Tue, 26th Apr 2011 | MasterSignwriter | 5,506 Views, 8 Nods.

Kate Middleton Sex Tape

According to google image search Kate Middleton has never been seen nude.

Not matter how you word it.
Or least not with the presence of a photographer nearby.
Which is good really, if she's going to end up the Queen of England and everything.
No one wants mucky pictures of the monarchy plastered all over the internet.
Despite Kate being the newest member of the elite club, Royals you would actually want to see naked.

There has to be a line drawn somewhere.

For a royal she is quite hot though, actually quite hot for a non royal.
I just love that pony club accent especially when it comes from a woman who doesn't resemble one.

Everyone went on about how Diana was the most beautiful woman in the world and how her charm was illuminating.
Kate knocks her into a cocked hat.

Personally I couldn't stand her even when she went a bit slutty with that Dodi fella.
That bashful looking under the fringe thing she did was so wet and only roused contempt not compassion.

But that was just me.
Oh and Charles of course.

Who despite being married to 'the most beautiful woman in the world' still hankered after his first love Camilla, who lets face it looked more fun in the bedroom than Diana could ever be.

Anyway where was I, oh yes, nude pics of Kate Middleton.
Or the lack thereof.

Despite being 2 generations shy of the coal pit she's never got them out in public or been filmed screwing someone.
Quite an accolade these days for any young woman in the public eye.
Aristocracy or not.

Unless of course there's some hoo-rah that has footage of a knee trembler he received off Kate after too many pimms behind the beer tent at a Charity function saved on his iphone.

Which would be worth its weight in cancer cure tablets if one existed.

Can you imagine how much money you could rake in off the back off that one?.

That's of course if you could survive long enough to spend the riches without hiring a pissed up chauffeur one evening.

But it got me thinking, nearly everyone is now nude on the internet, its almost a prerequisite.
If my interests are ever stoked by some new piece of eye candy the first thing I do is type in (add name here) nude/naked.

Anyone who says that they don't or havent are complete fibbers.
9 times out of ten you will hit jackpot and if not someone has photo shopped said person into as many fantasy poses that you can shake a stick at.

I don't get fake nudity, theres a few of Kate doing the rounds. No matter how trollied Kate gets she will never get involved in an interracial 3 way, and has definately not had breast enhancement.
I might be wrong, but i think my bet is safe.

The big bucks are in celebrity sex tapes.
Paris Hilton rather famously released her own and made millions from it. It seems if you are famous and actively having sex, you will eventually end up either naked or playing the pink oboe on laptops and computer screens across the universe.

Why they don't learn that having sex with someone who has a phone in one hand is probably not talking to someone is beyond me.

Half the time these things are worth more than the fee for staring as the lead in a summer blockbuster.

Its going to get to the point where for damage limitation celebrities will have to offer a sex tape up as part of their CV, to be released before any filming starts to save production companies a fortune digging them out of trouble when some disgruntled ex partner gives it to the press.

I have an idea of a good business enterprise, where I could offer a confidential service to the famous creating sex tapes of themselves ready for distribution.
I might just call it 'Screw You!'

This would keep them sought after as an actress and they can rake in the cash for their own untill the heat subsides. minus my 20 percent%.
Take the shock factor out of it, and the interest will die down.

So for queen and country id like to offer up my services for the very first time to Kate Middleton.
Lets get that sex tape out of the way.
It will solve an awful lot of problems in the future, when they get divorced and William ends up showing the squadies down the pub what they got up to on their honeymoon.

Times running out Kate.
You know my number.


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Sat, 13th Oct 2012
Same thing happened to me when I saw the nude pics of Harry.
Nod+ (0)
Fri, 12th Oct 2012
shes only got her slef to blame, shouldve listened to signwriter. and ive gone off her a bit now ive seen her tits.
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Fri, 21st Sep 2012
I think you had early inside info or you are psychic.
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Fri, 21st Sep 2012
After the Closer scandal, Royal Doulton are now bringing out two small commemorative jugs
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Fri, 13th May 2011
Im also willing to offer my marketing services to Pippa Middletons left nipple, which seems to be experiencing its 15 minutes of fame in the press this week.
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Mon, 09th May 2011
my bets are on Pippa.
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Sun, 01st May 2011
Stop fishing for compliments.
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Sun, 01st May 2011
The writer of this article should be bloody well hung.......
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Sun, 01st May 2011
Over 300 views, disgraceful!. Honestly, wheres all of the common decency and respect gone?
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Thu, 28th Apr 2011
tick, tick, tick......
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Wed, 27th Apr 2011
Nice one MS. Stay by the phone! The MIB will be around in a bit! But IF there are any compromising photos of Kate,then Im sure the Judges will be busy!
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Tue, 26th Apr 2011
Facinating bit of info here MS!! Want to give it 2 dozen nods but sadly we're limited to a measly one!!
Nod+ (1)
Tue, 26th Apr 2011
I think you could end up with your own little en suite room in the Tower for this one MS. Excellent and very funny. Nod and Facebookworthy.
Nod+ (2)

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