Im a very positive person.
Mainly due to my rowdy oversized confidence and the personal belief that im always right. This makes me a total nightmare in an argument, my confrontational tactics are a mix of fact and aggressive piss taking.
But every now and again im caught off guard and the usual hair trigger response of rebounding information from ear to brain and out of mouth in a nano second is replaced by an objective lucidity and compassion.
This can leave the inside of my head akin to a huge drunken bar brawl between Oliver Reed, Richard Dawkins and a rabid pit bull with a bamboo cane up its arse.
Things have kicked off twice this week in such a fashion.
Posterboy for a lot of my verbal and written attacks over the years, mainly due to me being a self employed small business owner.
This life choice of which leaves me with impossible deadlines, impractical and unhealthy work hours, no pension, heavily taxed, ignored by political agenda or relief, no time for holidays and sick days being self assessed on 'is it life threatening?' or 'has it dropped off '
The work ethic behind being self employed is that you have to be good at what you do, or you don't get paid, and no-one really gives a fuck about you. You're basically on your own.
Im not really selling it am I?, but obviously it does have a lot of pros, or I wouldn't be doing it.
So, confronted by an army of disgruntled Teachers marching the streets like the worlds biggest Gap clothing advert, my hair trigger response fired off like a machine gun.
The result of which could not have been printed in such publications as the Guardian or the Telegraph.
After a good few days of obscenity and lefty baiting, my brain decided to step in suggesting i was being a little harsh.
Maybe, I was giving them a hard time. After all they are just the same as you and me.
Working hard for a living, angered by the injustice of being taxed more and having to work till the national retirement age , if this is what I was promised maybe id be angry to.
These are the people we employ to inspire the minds of our collective children, so they should be looked after and granted special privilege.
But of course then I started talking to a few of them.
I was shocked by the insidious way that anyone voicing their concerns were labelled as Sun reading morons, as if a misunderstanding of years of leftwing agenda equated stupidity.
No room for democracy where these people were concerned, they were in fact acting the same as me.
They believed they were right, which I know they weren't because I am. You do the maths.
Im sticking to my guns despite my brief moment of objectivity.
I believe that we need to nurture our Teachers and pay them well for what the do. But when they demand that every teacher good or BAD must be kept as a civil employee and be rewarded such luxury as early retirement, long holidays and a pension that comes straight out of the countries piggy banks when the rest of us have struggled through a recession without one ounce of help, I become a little reactionary.
Plus the bad timing behind a march for better pensions and salaries to people whose pensions have been raided to a level of living of a packet of Jacobs crackers a week and those who will have to work well over 65 is inconsiderate to say the least.
Its like giving a semaphore demonstration in an amputee clinic.
So the self righteous bunch of Suburu driving, Chianti slurping whinging sacks of balls can go whistle.
Teachers, I gave you my 5 minutes and you screwed it up. Parp!
The dust hard barely settled in the whirlpool that is my consciousness when I read about old ronseal face aka Katie Price's latest bit of media drivel.
It turns out that once funny but recently turned fuckwit Frankie Boyle had made some school ground jokes about her disabled son Harvey on his 'comedy' show a few months back.
Once again, my hair trigger response was to berate this media whore and place her directly in the firing line because of her bizarre need for fame that leaves the press and tv flooded with articles and documentaries on the banality of her day to day life. See ch5's Jordan takes a dump. Airing 4 times a week.
But then my brain stepped in, suggesting that maybe I was being a little harsh.
This was after all just a girl who had been sucked into the vapidity of celebrity and was just trying to make a living. Her son didn't choose this as a career and regardless of subject matter no child should be lampooned in such a way on national TV.
It was a disgraceful turn of events and she had every right to be angry.
Then I saw her new documentary last night aimed at 'awareness' for other children like her Son Harvey and the challenges met by living and caring for a child with disabilities.
My moment of compassion came crashing around my ears.
How low can this woman stoop?
Leave the broadcasting commission to deal with Boyle, don't just take the opportunity to grab another 15 minutes of fame under the guise of awareness for disabled children.
The poor kid probably ended up in this state because of the large amounts of coke she snorted during pregnancy, plus im convinced that Harvey isn't actually a child, but in fact a 50 year old out of work black midget actor who was paid to come live with her and pretend to be Harvey just as a rainy day investment when her viewing figures started to drop.
Katie Price, I gave you my 5 minutes and you screwed it up. Parp!
Theres is no hope for Frankie Boyle who has proved himself to be an arsehole of colossal proportions.